So my living room looks like this right now. And I’m drinking wine from a baby bottle pinky up because I’m fancy. Backstory: Kris didn’t drink the wine he poured last night, the good friend to wine I am, I couldn’t just pour it out, what better small storage container with a tight fitting lid? And since my living room is a disaster, why dirty another glass? #straightfromthebottle #thuglife #parenting
I shared the above pictures and caption on Facebook earlier this week. What I failed to mention was that I didn’t put the wine back into the bottle because
#1 I somehow don’t own a funnel, and #2 because the wine came from a box.
Yes, I am super classy like that. Now before you judge, it was a Malbec Bota Box, not Franzia. I do have some standards. Here’s the thing; I used to drink wine maybe 4 times a week before baby. Now it is a glass (goblet, jug, stein) every night. A Bota box is $17 on sale. That is FOUR bottles of wine for $17!!! I call that being fiscally responsible. Suze Orman would be so proud!
Over the past weekend my house has been a shit storm. Literally. I worked Saturday- Monday and Butters and Kris were home with a GI bug from hell. I walked in to the house Sunday night and the smell of vomit hit me like a punch in the face. I had today off and thankfully Wyatt was feeling better so I was able to start cleaning up the disaster left from the weekend. I’ve never done so much laundry in my life. On the plus side, we saved quite a bit on groceries because the boys didn’t eat anything but pedialyte and saltines for 3 days. Gotta look at the bright side of things.
So today, my day off before another few days of work. The full day ahead alone with Butters looms ahead. Of course I love spending time with him, but the day can get long and monotonous, especially in crappy weather. I looked at Pinterest and see “101 activities to do with your toddler”.
Paint with yogurt (horrid idea. This occurs everytime I feed him yogurt. It’s not fun)
Play dress up (don’t most kids HATE getting dressed? Mine certainly does)
Blow bubbles (good idea! We did this, then Butters grabbed and licked the bubble wand and liked it)
The idea post then goes over a variety of sensory activities “fill a bucket with beans and Tupperware.” I picture cleaning up beans that would undoubtedly be flung in every direction. No thanks. Wyatt does sensory activies at daycare. I figure that is what we pay them for and the trade off for Wyatt having come down with every single communicable disease this year. While I’m thinking of ways to entertain my kid I notice it’s awfully quiet. I find him in the kitchen, hands deep in the dog food bowl. He has so lovingly moved all the dry dog food into the water dish and is mashing it around and then painting the floor with it windshield wiper style. If that’s not a sensory activity I don’t know what is! Parenting win!
It looks like the rain may wait until afternoon so I pack Butters into the car and head to the craft store. Fingerpaints, big pad of paper and triangle crayons for his chubby hands to grip easier. We get home and I setup shop outside on the patio. Fingerpaints, paper, towels and a bucket of water for rinsing and “water painting” (Pinterest idea!). With blue paint squirted onto the paper like an electric blue pile of bird poop, I stick Butters’ hand in it and slide it around the paper. I do it too, “see Buddy? Isn’t this fun?” He doesn’t seem to give two shits. I’m busy making fingerprints around his handprint as he’s crawling off. “Let’s add red paint, red is a fun color! Look this is RED and this is BLUE!” I can feel his brain firing more synapses already. Such an educational activity! I’m such a good mom! Wait where is Butters? He has crawled off into the grass and has found a pile of fresh dog poop that he is squishing in his toes. I guess it’s bathtime. Maybe when he’s napping I will make a Pinterest board called
“Free sensory activites around the house!”
*Fun with dog poop!
*Dog food painting!
*Mashing peas into your hair during lunch!
*Have them roll around a piece of dog kibble in their mouth. Join in! Does it have the same mouth feel as human food?
*Let them help load the dishwasher! They can lick the inside of the dishwasher door, all those drippings from dirty dishes, yum! See what kind of bacterial infection they get!
*Let them rifle through the garbage can!
*Let them spit up on the floor and then fingerpaint with it!
Finally Kris gets home, we make dinner and eat as a family around the table. Hahahaha! That last sentence was a joke. Wyatt spit his food out and looked disgusted at the dinner I made. Kris ate as I pleaded with Wyatt to eat his damn food. Ending with me eating last and Wyatt having a yogurt, which I should have just started with. Why bother with the food groups? Peas, Rice puffs, yogurt and occasionally a banana is all he will eat. Actually, peas are a veggie, and I just read somewhere that they have tons of protein! Rice puffs are pretty void of any nutritional value, we’ll count them as a grain. Yogurt covers dairy and banana is a fruit. Bam! Food pyramid covered!
Butters has learned to blow kisses. I can’t be upset with him even for a nano second now because this is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. After dinner Butters gets into the trash (he’s obsessed with the damn trash can!) Narrowly misses breaking his face as he climbs the hearth. Tries to ride the dog. Bath time (again), teeth brushed and bed. We have survived another day!