Since I started this when Wyatt is 5 months old, I will backtrack just a bit. My son was born on March 8th. I had been really sick and was put on antibiotics for a bad ear infection the day before. I was praying I wouldn’t go into labor that night because I was exhausted, sick and hadn’t slept. So naturally, that night I began to have contractions. I will spare you the details of the birth. It sucked, I don’t even want to think about it. Anyway, right after he was born they plopped him on my chest. For a good 5 minutes after he was born I had my eyes closed and was still making sickly wounded animal type moaning/grunting sounds. The upside to this is that my singing voice seems to remind him of that and calm him down.
They say nothing prepares you for having a newborn. People now ask what was most surprising about having a baby. I haven’t really been surprised by much, I think I went into this whole shindig knowing full well that shit was about to get crazy and turn my life upside down. I had heard how exhausting it would be, but that is really the part I feel I couldn’t really prepare for. The sheer, complete, utter, deep state of EXHAUSTION. The second day after bringing him home I remember thinking “I can’t do this, I am so unbelievably tired. I can’t possibly go on like this. I’m going to die.” Happily I am in fact, still alive. I’m not sure that it really got less exhausting, I think that ones’ body just kind of accepts it as a new normal. I function on a much lower plane of awareness than I did before baby. I suck at multitasking and cannot remember anything ever. I’ve accepted that I now spend more time totally spacing out in a zombie like state. I can hear my baby’s breathing change 3 rooms away yet I am now a horrible listener. I think a large part of this is my mind and body being busy trying to come to terms with all of this. They are still in a state of “What the F&*# happened?!?!” The real miracle of life is that we do this again and again. I seriously feel physically ill just thinking about having to go through childbirth again. I’m sure there are people that found it glorious and amazing. I am not them and I don’t really even want to talk to them. Ever. That said, I do plan on trying to have another baby. Babies make you a little bit sick in the head and masochistic. They are just cute enough to lure you into having another.