Wyatt now naps in our bed, and won’t go down unless I’m lying next to him. This is a blessing and a curse. It takes him a good 15-20 min to toss and turn and hear threats from me before he goes to sleep. During that time I doze and then often wake up 2hrs later with pillow creases on my face, wondering what the hell happened. About 10% of the time I manage to do what I planned on doing and sneak out once he falls asleep. He has been sick and feverish and of course today I am somehow not tired and really would rather be doing one of the million things on my to do list rather than lie here uncomfortably. (Did I mention I’m now 35 weeks pregnant with twins?! More on that later 😉). I snuck out once he fell asleep but he is sleeping fitfully today, moaning and snoring and of course cried and wanted me next to him the second I left. So here I lie.
Twins!!!! What the hell?!? Two babies have to come out at once! I’m refusing to think about that part. I can’t breathe and tie my shoes at the same time. Actually I can’t even wear shoes that tie anymore. I’m down to Crocs and Uggs at this point. Thankfully it is a snowy/icy wonderland outside so the Uggs are appropriate. Shit is going to get ridiculous!! How did this happen you ask? We did IVF like we did with Wyatt. Last time we did IVF we only got 2 embryos strong enough to implant, so I implanted one at a time. First one was Wyatt, second one we miscarried, so for these babies we had to do the whole IVF process over again. This time we had 5 wee frozen embryos to choose from and since I really didn’t want to go through anymore IVF plus I’m already of “advanced maternal age” 😩 I thought ‘what the hell, throw 2 embryos up in there!’ It’s a 30% increased chance of twins, I didn’t think it would actually happen so of course it did!
I have to (get to, yes, I know) love, and worry and obsess over two more tiny people like I love Wyatt?!?! Where will that come from?! That sounds so utterly exhausting! I’m going to drive myself mad! Suddenly everything Cersei (Game of Thrones reference) does in the name of her kids makes sense (minus the getting cozy with her brother, eeeeew). I’m so obsessed with Wyatt lately, I blame these insane hormones. I just stare and stare at him. I want to hug and squeeze and kiss him so now he thinks I’m deranged and asks me to leave him alone, stop looking at him, and to “give him space and privacy please” (doesn’t he know when I teach him life lessons such as it’s ok to ask for space if someone is bothering you, that I never mean for myself to be included?)
We are at the phase with Wyatt where we talk a LOT about feelings and appropriate ways to express them. This parenting shit is HARD! Wyatt is a fireball, and moody as hell. He will go from happy to curmudgeon in 0.2 seconds for no apparent reason. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, he will let you know in no uncertain terms. The delicate and difficult part is teaching him how to express himself and his needs, and that it’s ok to have feelings, while at the same time teaching him to not be a total dick about it. He’s at the point where he has zero filter and cares little about people other than himself. For example, the other night we are doing are bedtime routine. He had been soooo grumpy. Once we got cozy and I was rubbing his back he said:
“I’m not grumpy anymore, I’m happy!”
Me: “Oh buddy that is great! I love it when you’re happy!”
Wyatt: “Now I’m sad again”
Me: “Well I’m happy because I like being able to have a good day together like we had.”
Wyatt: “I’m sad because you’re still talking.”
He doesn’t say crap like that to be mean, it’s just how he feels. He was tired of me talking about it. I can’t blame him, I hate talking about feelings. All of the sappy crap that I hear myself say makes me want to barf, but I can’t help it. We just need to work on his filter a bit. Empathy is VERY slowly creeping in.
The twins are one boy and one girl, thank god!! I need some more estrogen in this house! I obviously love love love my son but he’s like having a puppy on speed in an antique store. Yes I am totally aware that this baby girl could also be just like a puppy on speed, BUT she will be a puppy with gold bows in her hair so at least it will give me something cute and girly to run after. Gotta mix it up!
If I put my boxed wine into a nice glass decanter will it make my wine fancier and tastier? Disclaimer: when I say boxed wine I am talking about Bota Box red wine, not Franzia, I’m not an animal and I do have a few taste buds. Sure sure I obvs prefer delicious bottled reds, but my generous glass a night habit was getting spendy, and especially now with more
money sucking sweet children on the way i need to make smart financial decisions. * I am not currently drinking. Jesus people, have a little bit of faith in me! I just like to dream of wine and plan ahead for when I can again imbibe.
I am nesting x 2. Kris says he “can’t find anything” because every time I come home things are in a new place. Where is his sense of adventure?! It’s actually been great, I have gotten so much done these past few months! Well into my third trimester I have been checking things off of my to do list with crazed speed and intensity. I’m currently reading “Getting Things Done: The art of stress-free productivity” and I’ve been totally geeking out about it. That plus my crush on my Simple Planner and the company who makes them has made me a task crushing machine. I am well aware that it probably won’t last, however, I figure I may as well get my shit together as much as humanly possible now, if I have any hope at all of some of these organizational routines sticking once the twins arrive. Plus, as the amount of stuff and people living in this house multiplies, having a place for everything and everything in its place is important for me to at least try and get a handle on. So while I make use of my beloved label maker, Kris, I’m sure, thinks I’m going nuts and we get to have fun conversations about me “moving everything” (how he sees it) versus me “putting things away” (how I see it). Ahh marriage and the joys of cohabitation! For the most part he is just letting me do my thing and doing the tasks I assign him with grace, and maybe just a little eye rolling 🙂
My pregnancy with Wyatt was not bad at all, once I got past the first 4 months of nausea and wanting to die. I worked up until delivery and felt pretty good. I was a little jaded about how this pregnancy would go. I had a small placental abruption at 13 weeks which was pretty scary, I was sure I had lost one or both of the babies, especially after having a miscarriage with the last pregnancy. I got transferred to a high risk clinic, placed on pelvic rest for the duration (look it up, not fun for over 4 months), and the bleed resolved and has been fine since. The first 4 months sucked again, lots of nausea and all of that, but really until about 30 weeks I felt pretty great. A bit more tired and large, but I felt like I could still be a productive and functioning part of society. I was still working and feeling ok with it all. My OB had been saying that he generally wanted those with twins to stop working at 32 weeks, and especially since I worked 12 hr days, he was concerned. I told him that I would take his advice under consideration, but planned on working past that point. We gently argued about this every week until I finally gave in at almost 34 weeks. He called me stubborn and I kept working but had to stop a few days shy of my personal arbitrary end date. To his credit he didn’t say “I told you so”, which I appreciate. Once I got past the point of what it would be like to carry one baby, size wise, it got exponentially more difficult.I got slower and work got much busier at the same time. There were more codes and emergent situations that I just could waddle to fast enough, plus I likely would have to stop to pee on my way. I was feeling fine, feeling fine, and then I wasn’t. I am no longer efficient. I have to pee so freaking often that I can’t get one simple task done uninterrupted. I seriously was in Target the other day for what should have been a quick 20 minute trip and I had to stop and pee THREE different times. How does one get anything done?! I don’t sleep much anymore, my hands go totally numb, which is a fun new thing I’ve gotten to experience with this pregnancy. On the other hand, getting up at 4am and having hot coffee and quiet time to myself is pretty damn nice and my last chance at it for a while.
Here are some other fun pregnancy things that I didn’t experience when carrying one baby.
(If you are a male and know me, you may want to skip the next section. It’s a bit graphic about lady problems. If you think you’re brave enough, I warned you….. I will say when it is safe to start reading again. If you are my dad or my uncle, skip ahead please, for the love of god.)
My boobs look small compared to my belly. My boobs haven’t looked small since before puberty so this is a fun change.
Parts of my body have already given up the fight and are trying to escape the whole situation. I’m talkin ’bout you hemorrhoids. And my belly button that won’t just commit to an outie but instead did a half-assed job and is half in half out. There are just no amount of magical oils or lotions that can help that situation. Those parts have just thrown in the towel. Can’t say I blame them.
My vagina feels like it about to just give out, but so far it hasn’t-thanks for being a true pal vagina! I’m surprised that it’s not pissed at me actually, since I made the very unwise choice to have it all fully waxed at 32 weeks pregnant. (I actually use sugar, not wax, which is so much better but still obviously not pain free). I can’t tell you how much I DO NOT recommend this. I regularly get groomed but it’s been awhile since I’ve done the whole entire region. I wussed out for awhile. Well what better time to go for it again! Why not do it when you are swollen from the pressure of two humans, have twice the blood volume and can’t pre or post medicate properly?! I nearly made her stop halfway, which would look like flock of seagulls down there, can’t have that.
Man friends- It is now safe to read
So, in other news, here is an actual conversation I recently had with Wyatt:
“Mom, I need a squid. Do squids knock things over?”
Me: “They might. Squid live in the ocean”
Wyatt: “Are they cold?”
Me: “No, they like it in the ocean.”
Wyatt: “But then there is LIGHTNING AND THUNDERSTORMS! And they hide in the rocks!”
Me: “They do like to hide in the rocks but since they are in the ocean they are deep down and don’t always see the lightning”
Wyatt: “And then Sonic (the hedgehog) comes and they knock things over?”
Me: “….yep” 😐
Wyatt and his squid
As Wyatt gets older we have more and more conversations. It’s been fun and hilarious listening to his view on things and the questions he comes up with. We have more and more conversations like these where it will seem like a normal conversation, one that makes sense and is going to follow a certain trajectory, and then WHAM! He throws in a thought or question that makes me wonder if I’m nuts or he is. The toddler brain is a wonderful, busy, creative, insane space. Wyatt is obsessed with squid lately. It is what he asked Santa for, a “colored squid”. Well Santa, aka Amazon Prime, thankfully delivered. I found ONE squid that didn’t look super realistic aka like a flesh-colored penis/vagina monster. It came in a pack of other sea creatures, one of which is an octopus nearly identical to one he has that he named Frank. This new octopus’ name is Hank. When asked what the squid’s name was, he looked at us like we were crazy and said, “He doesn’t have a name, he is a squid.” Can’t argue with that, believe me, I tried and lost.
The twins are technically due February 2nd. However, full term for twins is considered 38 weeks, which would put me at January 19th. Also, twins often come early, so I am trying to be ready for anything at this point. I’m of course really excited to meet them, but I also remember the exhaustion and all that comes with newborns so I’m not particularly pumped about the next few months. Luckily babies are super cute and I have an amazing support system and also that boxed wine I mentioned earlier. We will make it through. We will see if I get anymore blog posts out, I will certainly try! I am going to give voice dictation a go so we will see how that works out. This blog post took me months to actually finish. See? I’m already lowering your expectations of me, just so you won’t be too disappointed if you don’t hear from me for awhile. You’re welcome. I won’t do video posts. No one needs to see me one month after being home with twins and a toddler. It won’t be pretty.I will try and post at least a sentence or two so that you all know that I am still among the somewhat-living. I make no promises as to whether or not they will be coherent. Wish me luck…..